How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
birth control should be required to get into college
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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