The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
