Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
