a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize