pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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