i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
