you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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