And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize