All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.