There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much