bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
