As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.