the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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