4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Randomize
