i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
