so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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