I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
