She said her name was "party"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just pee around me
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
