I wish they made helmets for livers.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
