Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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