Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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