kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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