is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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