fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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