I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
It's just like the Real World with babies
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
