If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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