i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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