Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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