I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
