I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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