it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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