Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
