yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
