he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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