if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
we have officially lost it.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
