so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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