im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I didn't notice because vodka
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
