Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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