There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
