Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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