Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Sext me about skeletons
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
