she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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