Sponge bath it is.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
it's great music for shaving your balls
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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