Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
