So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize