I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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