Just fell off a train. Bad.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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