he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I love you. Go after that dick
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
