Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
