How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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