i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
two words: eviction party
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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