And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
