I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
