i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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