I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
