Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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