I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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