her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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