what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
