I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
