Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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