she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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