Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
