Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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