No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
