Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
