i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
we're so committed to being not committed
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Drunk is a universal language darling
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize