Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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