So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Can I color on your dick again?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
