guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
