good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
