but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
