i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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