billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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