I just threw up on my dentist
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Randomize
