May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
