i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
