Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
