I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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