the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
