I just saw a hot homeless man
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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