he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize