Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize