I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just want nice things and good sex
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
